I have a co-worker old enough to be my mother.
Being two people with roots from the Caribbean it has been great that she and I can relate to certain things. Naturally she and I talk about everything: work, romance, money. I’ve noticed that during the time we have worked together she insists on referring to her boyfriend as “friend” or “my guy”. She never says he’s her “Man” or “Boo” or whatever term it is people are using this week :-).
He works a lot and traveling is a large part of his job. He is recently divorced, although they have been friends for almost 20 years but have only been dating for two. Their relationship is abnormal. Abnormal because he insists on spending time with his daughter. He prefers his daughters company compared to the woman supposed to be his girlfriend. His daughter is afraid to be home alone without him. She visits on weekends, sometimes during the week and when she does so, my friends boyfriend will leave her at a bar/club and tend to his daughter. Understand? He will leave an outing with friends to babysit his daughter.
She’s old enough to be able to sit home alone and not be babysat. Then she confided in me that he has to stay on top of his daughter and help her with her homework when she visits. She and I are so confused as to w.t.f. is going on. Time passes by and more is coming out. She found out that he and his daughter share the same bed when she comes to visit. He doesn’t sleep on the couch and give her his room. They sleep in the same bed; together. Yes, a grown man shares a bed with his 19 year old daughter who is in college.
The daughter is the only thing/person they argue and fight about.
In one argument she told him flat out “You cant lay in bed with your adult daughter, do you know how many times I feel your d–k when I lay in bed with you and you’re sleeping? Its not normal or appropriate.”
He has since stopped according to her.
Initially, I was thinking this guy is overcompensating for his divorce but…yeah it’s not looking like that at all. He makes comments like “my daughter is my best friend” to friends and complete strangers.
On one occasion while the three of them were together he looked at his daughter and said to her “I’m your only friend, remember that. You cant trust any one but me.” My friend flipped out. I have concluded that this guy is…just FUCKIN’ weird.
He’s rubbing me the wrong way for another reason too.
My friend can hold her liquor and its almost considered lore around the office. 6, 7 drinks and she is unphased. UN.PHASED. I have never seen anything like it.
One night the two of them decide they are going out, she drives to his place and wants to avoid being mauled sexually by the guy. He had been gone for work for days so he’s raging horny. She is in no mood and he finally gets her to get into his house. One thing led to another, she said something along the lines of “fuck men,” he grabs her by the neck, pins her to the wall, and tells her never do it again. She, being shocked, settled with an “okay,” and they worked their way to dinner. She has her first drink, her second drink comes and she leaves to use the restroom. When she comes back she finishes her drink and after about a half hour she starts to feel “out of it”. Remember, this woman can pound down 6+ drinks and walk away unscathed. She had two and is feeling unreal. They leave the restaurant and are walking toward her car.
After walking several blocks, he realizes that she doesn’t remember where she parked the car, he calls it to her attention. She, being out of her mind also realizes they walked passed her car and she somehow couldn’t recognize or remember where she parked. She takes her keys out, he takes them away and they both continue onto another bar via car. She has one drink at the second bar, goes to the restroom, and comes back. She is feeling sick and asks him to take her home. She is on her 3rd drink and can no longer party. THIS IS STRANGE. They get back to his place, she gives him some more lip, he again chokes and pins her to the wall, she being out of sorts walks to his bedroom, takes off her shirt and passes out for almost 5 hours.
She wakes up, see’s her underwear is on the floor.
She doesn’t remember taking them off, and she sees there’s last night left overs in her underwear. She can not recall having sex with him. She only remember bits and pieces of the night, and is furious she was not being herself and he never questioned her actions or wondered if she was okay. He said he tried to wake her up but she wouldn’t get up. Instead of calling an ambulance he had sex with her.
I THINK HE SLIPPED HER GHB, THE DATE RAPE DRUG.
Because his job has him traveling they don’t sit down and address that night until weeks later. She is questioning how a man can have sex with an unconscious woman and not think twice, I’m wondering how all the signs point to him and she wont beat his ass..?
He recalls the night to her, and she starts to remember the sex they had, she remembers him asking her, during sex, “who gives it to you better? who gives it to you like I do? Where else is it this good?” and variations of it. Trying to recall the night she remembers he kept asking the question suspiciously, almost as though he were weeding out information.
Isn’t this some shit?
Now lets get to Halloween 2014.
This is the night I decided I was going to have 3 pot brownies for the first time because smoking weed has never got me high. My friend and I have drinks before the brownies and meet her “guy” and some friends of his at a local bar. He asks me “what are you drinking?”
“a mojito” I respond.
He and his friend leave. I can not remember Halloween night. I have bits and pieces of it put together but the majority of the night I cant remember. I was completely out of it, after 3 drinks and 3 special brownies. In comparison to my friend, I can take 2 drinks, feel a little weird wait an hour and on to the next drink. I think he may have also slipped me GHB, but not for his pleasure.
I have spent the majority of my twenty something years on Earth as a woman with straight hair.
I once came home from school, said the word “ain’t” and my mother quickly nipped it in the bud.
“The other kids at school may say that word but as long as you’re my child you aren’t allowed.”
During that lecture, my mother gave me The Talk. The infamous Talk. The one where your parents enlightens your young Black mind and tells you what the world thinks of you.
With so many words I managed to sum it up to just “not much”.
It was clear that my life will be filled with judgments and constantly fighting preconceived perceptions.
Watch what you say, what what you wear, watch where your hands go.
While many people spend their teens rebelling against everything they know and start college as young adults ready to conquer the world, I’m still figuring out where I can place myself. A year ago I decided that I wasn’t going to be bald by the time I’m 40. So I went natural. I got rid of my straight hair. I’m still the same person but my hair is no longer straight. While that was my statement, it made it to no one else’s ears outside of my nucleic comfort zone.
This morning was like every morning the last few weeks. I drag myself out of bed, slip off my satin bonnet, hop in the shower for morning moisture. As I stood in the shower lathering my skin I looked over at my shadow. I noticed it was being generous.
My head looked full, powerful, perfectly round, and like no other; I loved it.
My morning continued as I trekked my way to work, parked my car with 4 minutes left before my supervisor raises her eyebrows at me.
As always whenever YOU need to be somewhere, the people in front of you have ALL DAY to do what they need to do.
After I parked my car, and walked toward the stairs there was a blonde woman taking her time to get there too. While I figured my pace and steps behind her I also contemplated whether or not I should just quickly breeze her right. Then I realized if I did she would feel bum-rushed. Then I thought well shit I cant pass on her left because Id have to wedge myself between her and a parked car. I cant do that, it was over reaching and weird. So I patiently step carefully behind her as she struggled in her heels and browsed her mobile internet.
Something told me to look down.
Its my shadow.
My hair in all of its glory, so proud, so prominent, before I could muster a smile I think “shit!” My shadow is going to meet hers….And when it does…
The white woman looks down too and lets out a yelping “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” She screamed.
I step back.
She turned around quickly clutching her purse, sized me up, and shrieks, “Oh my god! I didn’t know who you were!”
Truth is, she wouldn’t know.
While she calmed down and laughed quite nervously, but more uncomfortably, I stepped left and kept walking, ignoring her. I made my way down the steps and was thankful there was a third party at the elevator already waiting.
We wouldn’t have to stand there; the two of us.
The three of us entered the elevator, the woman staring intently at her phone, I was dreading our next trip.
I acted as though neither of the two exist, made my way to the next elevator with the two in tow.
I wanted this to end.
The second elevator arrives, as I get a chance, I see buttons 6, 14, and 15 lit.
“Am I really going to have to be in the elevator alone with this woman for 8 flights?”
She’s staring at me.
I ignore her and pray.
The elevator bell dings.
She gets off at 6.
The door closes.
I let out a sigh of relief.
The woman going to 15 says to me “Yeah I know, I cant believe its only Tuesday either.”
Him: The UPS Guy
Me: The Front desk
I accept the challenge.
We all know there is something about UPS guys that make people, mostly women smile. They smile at you, they have what you ordered, and you’ve been waiting a week for your tinted sunglasses from ebay and you don’t get it until they scan it and ask for your signature. Its a rush and quite frankly its a tease. Somehow that rush can turn sexual with the correct elements.
The UPS guy I see on almost a daily basis is the one who delivers to my job. While he is not the most attractive man he is still sexy. Lets explain the elements. While a man in a suit sends the clear message of steady paycheck and structured Christmas parties, the UPS guy is someone so much more humble. A man who works hard—all day, and his appearance is natural.
My UPS guy has a large forehead, no chin, but an incredible smile, and a personality that cant be matched. Yes hes that great. (Think of…Ben Stiller) Despite his physical flaws I can completely ignore them because well, seeing him smile and fuck with my mind keeps me captivated.
Backstory: I met him while I was training for my new position. I really don’t remember seeing him and being in awe however I do remember him being extremely pleasant and liking him. Things got a little bit more interesting once I started sharing my relationship adventures with him. My UPS guy being 10 years younger than my then beau made him more intrigued. So it had become flirtatious in nature between us but nothing too serious until he says me, “I wish I could take you away for a week, and have you all to myself.” I had no idea what to say because well It was the first time he said anything like that. (This would be the best time to mention that he is of course married. Yup!) So from that day there has been this obvious yet subtle flirting between us. The reason for this is he shows up right around lunch and people are around. The experience with this guy is tempting, exhilarating in the strangest ways, and down right bold on my part. While we flirt back and forth we seem to forget our attachments. It has heated up within the last few months. No, we’re not sleeping together but as a woman it was only natural that I test my boundaries. Men this is where you listen.
I’ve learned to know when to expect my UPS guy, at the very least I’ve figured things out because these things seem to work in tandem :-). I learned my UPS guy delivers twice. Once if he has another driver. You’re probably thinking, “why deliver twice?”. Well some packages need to be delivered by 10:30 a.m., these are priorities and they’re usually light. Whether or not my guy delivers depends on the load I assume. So I often look forward to him delivering during lunch time. Here’s where it gets interesting. We have a freight elevator he refuses to use. Because his deliveries are so heavy for my building he is given a cart to toss all the boxes on. When the cart rolls through the the elevator its makes this intense sound that can be heard from several floors. Now I know when to expect him because I can hear him coming and going on the floors below. So this one day in particular I hear him coming and going, he gets to the floor beneath mine, gets back on the elevator. When I heard the elevator bell ding to let me know someone has arrived, I quickly grabbed my Cinch spray, paper towels and stepped away from my desk. I made sure I wore the tightest skirt to show off my buns, and sexy but professional heels. I stood on the outside of my desk and pretended to be cleaning :-). When I looked back at him as his stepped off the elevator, he dropped dropped the large package he was holding in one hand, fumbled to pick it up, while refusing to look away from me. The look in his eyes and his jaw on the floor, he was frozen. I was sexy, he thought I was sexy, and I felt that I had won. I now know he finds me attractive. The flirtations continue and soon enough I need to test him again.
As the days go by, when he hands me the PDA to sign we gentle caress each others hands as the device exchanges between us. It’s discrete; no one else knows but we do. Our fingers touch softly as we stare into each others eyes, flash smiles. No one knows; but we do.
You may ask “whats the point?” The man has already said but mostly implied that he wanted to keep me captive, willingly for a week and as crazy as it sounds I would most definitely do it but that’s a whole different fantasy.
Test 2: Devotion
My UPS guy has made it very clear that he is a devoted husband. My challenge is to knock that down a notch. Yes. I am that bold. One day as he and I flirt I innocently say to him “You should take your ring off” and he said, “What?” I look up at him so innocently and say, “I don’t like it, you should take it off….” He chuckled said “Nooo,” grinned and walked away.
The next day he comes back and I had completely forgot about our conversation from the day before. He hands me his PDA to sign and I realize there’s no wedding ring. He took it off and left it home. When I asked him where it was he smiled, gave me a nod and just didn’t say anything. I couldn’t believe it.
Today: Is Friday.
I wore my sexiest dress for him today. As he walked off the elevator a coworker of mine was dealing with a delivery boy, the two of them standing in front of me with only a few inches between them, I knew it was him so I stood up so he could see my curvaceous body. He piled up my packages, asked how I was doing and handed me the PDA. My co-worker elongating her fast food delivery experience. After I signed for my packages, he eyeballed me up and down, and let out an impressive “WOW!” backed away slowly without taking his eyes off me, pulling is cart in front of him. He disappears behind my co-worker as I sat back down, and could only see him through the few inches between my co-worker and the delivery boy, still smiling this huge smile. I made an impression. It was what I wanted.
I broke up with my Mr. December after 1 and a half years. It has been a long time coming so I’m not too bummed.
On To The Next One.
Seeing as how I am the face at reception I get to see and meet some of the most interesting people. One person in particular is an investigator. I had no idea this was going on until the founder of the investigative firm came in, he is a gorgeous older gentleman, another December, pretty nice guy. So I have been silently lusting after this gentleman for months now. Not letting my feelings being exposed is the professional thing to do. Who am I kidding? My lust can easily be described as a PseudoLove.
Its so frustrating wanting someone physically but not being able to act upon those feelings.
I fear, absolutely FEAR rejection.
So here is where The Game starts.
He and I are friendly. He came in one day to take an employee to lunch, a token of appreciation for using his business. So on his way out I casually said “Bring me back something good!” and Mr. Another December asks “Well, what do you want?” and I say “Um….desert!” he replies with “I’ll bring you back a Snicker bar how about that?” I say “That’s fine” and they go down the elevator.
Roughly 10 minutes later, he calls me at my desk and tells me “Hey, I’m at The Cheesecake Factory, I’m looking at the case here, they have X Cheesecake, Y Cheesecake…”
He bought me desert. A sweet gesture which in turn means my hormones are thinking more than “A business man pleasing a client.” However technically, I’m not the one paying for/requesting his services.
As I put that behind me, a week later he calls me. He has this absolutely playboy way of introducing himself over the phone. “Hey. it’s Rodrigo Perez.” in this cool Casanova voice. Every time I hear it, I wet myself. Every time he walks in, my mind is blown. So Mr. Another December has a signature look to him, jeans, blazer, a button down with the top 6 buttons unbuttoned. 6 is an exaggeration but I mean I can see chest hair, its so cheesy how can I NOT want it ha ha ha.
On this pone call he asks me if I enjoyed his gift of Cheesecake and we chat a little about the employee leaving and their replacement. He knows the replacement and says “I have to take her out to lunch, you know…you should join us for lunch, depending on your schedule…” Now me being SO into this guy hears “We need to go out on a date!”
I hit a brick wall, “Uh, well my schedule varies…” I had no idea how to respond to that and out of all honesty it made no sense. Why should I tag along? I’m just the receptionist.
Our conversation continues and he finally says, “I’ll come by next week.” Tomorrow is Monday, lets see how this week goes.
I hate my job. I had a feeling Id hate it during my first interview.
“Name a time where you went out of your way for somebody?”
“Name a time where you had a conflict with another employee.”
Seriously? The grapevine says that these are “normal” interview questions. I feel like they don’t really want to get to know me. So I just made up whatever I could on the spot. A clever 16 year old I thought I was. I wish someone would have told me there was more going on in the world, and to not be there very long. Get 1 year in and quit. I guess no one loved me.
So I get to suffer Monday through Friday (the only real perk) from 4 a.m. to Whenever. Whenever for me is 3 days, others I have to leave work to get to school.
We get no bonus but, these people do.
I cant say that we are under appreciated. Out District Team Lead shows up every year a week or 2 before Christmas and cruises the store thanking us for our hard work. I had met her 6 times and the 6th time she asked me if I was new.
Did I mention that her Appreciation Basket is filled with junk food (Doritos, Cheetos, Little Debbies) and maybe one or two fruit. Want a cookie?
Lets talk about The Drama.
I wasn’t exactly in the loop when I first started but here goes
You have your
TM= Team members (Bottom feeders)
TL= Team Leaders (Feeders)
ETL= Executive Team Leads (Assistant store managers- They each individually have their own nicknames after you meet them)
STL=Store Team Lead (The aspiring ETL wants to be here, they get their own store) and last but not least you have your star of stars
DTL= District Team Lead (Doritos and Bananas)
Ah yes, this post is long overdue. I told myself I would not let myself work another holiday season in Retail Hell d/b/a Target. Target as usual had “no hours” so I was given a week off. I spent that week trolling people for leads on jobs, I snagged one is less than 3 days. I work a M-F 9-5, weekends and holidays I am off, two weeks vacation a year, 401k, health insurance, and a larger yearly take home. #SCORE.
I am a receptionist and took a step far away from retail. I am so much happier now that my employment situation is more reliable, dependable, ethical, and just plain ideal.
Funny things always seem to happen to me. I feel like a racially ethnic Seinfeld character. I blog about nothing but things still happen. I am not the most social person. I am not anti social either however, I try to be careful with the people I call my friends. I have strange and vague interest and its very hard for people to relate to a fan of #Delocated , #FriskyDingo , #Archer.
So I went to my American Sign Language Class and met a women who is pretty cool. She and I exchanged phone numbers so that we could have a Deaf Experience together. The week leading up to the event the texts and phone calls started. So much so that its bothering me. In one day alone she had managed call me 6 times. We have 1 class together and none else. People have said that I am brutally honest but I d care about feelings. I care for them when I know I may potentially hurt them. Ironic. Yes.